Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
