I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
