I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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