you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
