Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
