Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
