It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We smell like vodka and hangover
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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