Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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