I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
