We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
