I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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