There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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