you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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