I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
