You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
