Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
