don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
