Don't make out with my wife yet
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
