I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
