This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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