i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
