i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
