she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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