come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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