Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
