I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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