i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
