I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
