I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
