Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
