Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
