got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
