Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
