i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
