DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
