I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize