would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
