this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
