Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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