A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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