69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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