What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
