I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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