i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize