Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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