I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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