If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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