The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
