I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
