I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
