Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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