He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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