Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
