I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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