A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
