I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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