I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
