I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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