I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Randomize
