Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
