Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
