Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
