So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You ate ashes out of my bong
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
