dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
