I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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