I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
