Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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