Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
