my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
one might say we're banned from that church
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
