Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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