In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
