she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
