I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
